People who have lost their way
Last week my husband found the following “tip” on Google’s blog: Freshen Laundry with Vodka. It was under the link, www.tipsandtricks4me.com. Why he would click on such a thing, I don’t know. Perhaps he thought it was about how to tip tricks. In which case, he must have been very disappointed. Unless he wanted to spritz a trick with vodka–then this was the site for him.
Anyway, the person who left this tip suggests you use a few spritzes of vodka to “freshen” your clothes instead of washing them. Their rationale:
“We all need clean clothes, but actually doing the laundry uses a lot of resources and cuts into our free time.”
It’s called Fabreeze, Mr. Tipsandtricks. It’s a hell of a lot cheaper AND less delicious than vodka, and it has the added benefit of making your clothes smell like lilacs instead of hobos.
Appalled by what I had just read, I decided to do a little research on other misuses of vodka. Here is what I found:
The DIY network actually advocates using vodka to kill bugs.
Similarly, some people who use it for keeping aphids off houseplants. (Which begs the questions of why you have aphids in your house to begin with. Maybe it’s because they heard you’re cleaning your house with vodka.)
You can use vodka to get rid of the smell of cigarette smoke. (Because it’s better to smell like an alcoholic than a smoker.)
A British site suggests you apply vodka to your face “to tighten your pores” and tells us that you can remove a bandaid painlessly by soaking it in vodka. (Why not just drink it? Then I bet that bandaid wouldn’t hurt so much.)
There are countless sites out there suggesting you use vodka to kill mold and mildew in your shower.
More than one person admitted to using vodka to cure foot odor, and I even found someone who uses vodka to preserve her herbs.
And, of course, there’s the old standby of applying it to the gums of teething babies, which is the only one of these wayward applications I approve of.
I always thought vodka was for drinking. Maybe that’s why my feet smell bad and there are aphids eating the mildew in my shower. But at least my kids’ don’t go to school smelling like hobos.
Here's a picture I found of some homemade Bacon Vodka. Now THAT'S a proper use of vodka.
p.s. I’m currently on vacation tanning my legs and recovering from my recent ass kicking. I have a terrible internet connection, so any tips and witty comments you may leave (bring it on, Miss. Preserves Her Herbs) won’t get a response until I get back. Until then, I expect you all to use your vodka responsibly and for the love of God, don’t freshen your clothes with it.
Wild. My parents used Vodka on my gums when I was teething (I suspect this was before Ambesol or that sort of thing)… they quit when they realized I was actively licking their fingers instead.
hmmm….headache/hangover cure? Is that wrong of me?
Kelly,
Hell no, if you drink enough Vodka, you may still have the headache, but you will no longer care. Either way works.
I’ve got a few. Spritzing a few gallons of vodka down the gullet actually makes Ranger Up shoots go much smoother. Prior to the shoot, spritz some vodka on the tiny, pink shorts to ensure a cling!
I’ve also heard that vodka kills boredom along with other creatures, like halitosis causing microbes, stomach digesting parasites, and libidos. It’s also good for removing healthy kidneys in certain doses.
Just a few to add to your list! Enjoy.
This is hilarious. I never knew how much vodka could do other than satisfy my weekend needs!
Hmmmm … that’s right up there with smoking hooters to cure a cold. And my former boss would say that is a criminal waste of Grey Goose, I think it was.
Where in the heck do people get these odd notions?
My wife also uses Russian ПАРЛАМЕНТ vodka to kill bugs a few weekends out to the year. She gets up in the morning and fixes me a big breakfast with pancakes, eggs, bacon and a hot mug of Sniper’s Brew. After breakfast she pours me a super sized glass of orange juice, lots of ice, and adds a shot or two of vodka. She gives me big kiss then hands me the drink and tells be to go get the pesticide and spray the house and garden. Works every time.
Semper Fi, Hank
Hank:
SWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!! LOL
Hey, wasn’t there a whole story arc of Mythbusters on this stuff? It works on jellyfish.
Step One is getting cheap enough vodka. On another site I think this is called “Val-u-Rite.”
It should come from Peoria, not Murmansk.
These things should come under Travel Tips. On a motorcycle trip, for instance, you may not have along everything under the kitchen sink, but a few ounces of hundred proof anything will do to clean a wound or a carburetor, start a campfire with wet kindling, render pondwater drinkable. I forgot the fresh clothes part. Never tried it on leather.
I have been known to preserve peaches in vodka. They’re good for months, but the whole point of it is, after you eat the peaches you’re supposed to DRINK the VODKA.
Yea, Vodka for poison ivy, and piratey stains.
And you don’t really need pondwater to be drinkable, as you have vodka.
Forget AM ale……I want my morning to start with a generous glass of bacon vodka. Then follow it up with Steve’s brilliant bacon stuffed pork recipe. Deeeellliiisshhh. Someone please call Duke and schedule my cardiac cath ASAP. Does Ranger Up sell patriotic cardiac stents?
She gives me a big kiss then hands me the drink and tells me to go get the pesticide and spray the house and garden.
fat fingered Hank
Peaches are better canned in brandy. Lemons in vodka. The herb thing? I guess so. Low water content. Will have to try it. White wine seems more logical since it’s good to cook with. Vodka has a more limited application in cooking.
Only times I’ve ever put vodka on my clothes were when I’d had too much and spilled and when I had too much and lost it all on the floor in my sister-in-law’s foyer and lay there in the puddle. Didn’t drink vodka for years after that. Ick.
How about making a sweet vodka-strawberry sauce for blinis? Best vodka ever? Cherry bounce. A friend had a still…
I prefer to preserve myself in vodka. Also known as pickling. But without the dill.
I dunno, I asked my vet if I could sterilize something (I don’t remember what, it was a long time ago) in vodka instead of denatured alcohol and she said “NO!” Then she asked what I was doing with a bottle of vodka. I can’t remember, but it’s gone now.