Vegetarian for a Month
Steve and I have decided to go vegetarian for the month of March. The idea was mine to begin with, but I’m kind of fuzzy on the reasoning behind it seeing as how I don’t have any moral or health problems with eating beasties–in fact, I find them to be quite delicious. I think it started out as some sort of Double Dog Dare when I was drunk that was escalated when I told Steve he should do it instead of his plan to give up booze for Lent. I’m not sure when exactly he found Jesus enough to give up booze for him, but I don’t like drinking more than three or four drinks a day alone, so I was glad when he agreed to try quitting the animal with me.
Vegetarian Month Eve: Quick! Get the mutton!
At 11:53 last night I realized our vegetarian month was about to begin. “Quick!” I told Steve, “We’re about to become vegetarians! Let’s go eat a mutton chop before it’s too late!” To the best of my knowledge, I’ve never eaten a mutton chop in my whole life. In fact, I’m not even sure exactly what a mutton is, but I’m pretty sure it’s some sort of animal, or at least part of one, and it seemed of utmost importance that I had a chop of it in the next seven minutes. Steve did not share my urgency and he rolled over and went back to sleep. I rushed downstairs to look for some mutton and, finding none, settled on a handful of bacos.
Vegetarian Day 1: At least the salad was pretty.
As is our Sunday morning custom, Ella and I made a pit stop at Dunkin’ Donuts to fortify ourselves before church. Ella ordered her usual, a doughnut with white icing and all different colored sprinkles. “And I’ll have a medium coffee and a chocolate doughnut with bacos sprinkles,” I told the lady at the counter. Then I remembered I was a vegetarian now, and glumly canceled my order. “I’ll just have an apple fritter instead,” I said, punishing myself for my forgetfulness. The fritter turned out to be highly unsatisfying and, actually, a little gross. Next week I’m going back to the jelly doughnut sans ham filling.
For lunch I had a yogurt and three chocolate turtles. They were they kind of turtles that involved peanuts and caramel dipped in chocolate, not actual turtles dipped in chocolate, as that wouldn’t be vegetarian.
Sunday night is traditionally pasta night at our house. This seems like it would be a gift from the born again half-assed vegetarian gods, but no. As I rifled through the freezer I realized all I had in there were sauces involving cow, turkey, and assorted sausage animals. As it was too late to start a new pot of moo-free sauce, I settled on some Pesto Tortellini Bowls I bought from Trader Joes on a wild spree of meatless shopping. They looked pretty lame-o, but ended tasting reasonably good so I decided to stay on the wagon for another day.
Vegetarian Day 2: Beef N’ Cheddar, I wish I knew how to quit you!
I started off the morning by cutting out a coupon for Buy One Get One Free Beef & Cheddar from Arby’s, and then cried when I remembered I wouldn’t be eating any delicious Beef & Cheddars for a while. I’ll pass the coupon on to a hobo so at least he can enjoy two little slices of heaven.
–
Three women sat across from me at the coffee shop and chowed down on some hogies that involved bacon. I heard one of they say, a little too loudly, “Anything with bacon in it is great.” Bitch. I stared until they got creeped out and left. Then I ate a granola bar and an apple.
–
Went to the grocery store. They were selling an 8 piece bucket of fried chicken for $4.99 and giving away free samples of turkey. Jerks.
For more meatless laughs, try my other blog, Half-Assed Vegetarian at http://halfassedvegetarian.blogspot.com/
My-mind-wanders-and-so-these-might-be-related Posts
Why I Can't Quit Dunkin' Donuts
It's a Sign
The Thumb Story
I could never give up meat. I don’t cook it often and I have been trying to incorporate more fish and the like into our diet but the whisper of Red Robin’s Whiskey BBQ Burger calls to me all to often….
and their bottemless steak fries.
I just wanted to let you know that I am eating a salami sandwich
I think it’s easier to give up chocolate-not that I did mind you. And what’s wrong with a yogurt and 3 turtles for lunch?? Good luck- may the meatless force be with you-
Mmmmm… pepperoni. At least you have celebrity gossip!
No meat for a month? I’ve done booze, but this is RIDICULOUS. Good luck!
Nick is right… You’re writing kicks ass, but so do vets!
Nick was right. He told me to say it.
I don’t think I could stand no meat for a month. Let alone a day. Actually make that a 6 hours. Alcohol I have done before, but that was tough. After which of no booze for a month I celebrated with Crown and Captain. mmmm
Amy- I am a B5 reader. I think you’re gonna lose the bet.
But…a) Nick is right, b) vets kick ass, I am one and what was c? Oh, Nick was right. I find myself looking for more to read and laugh With. I said with on purpose. So I am signing up for your feed. Then I am going to read more of your stuff.
PS- If someone tried to take the meat away, I would turn into Lorena Bobbit cause I’d have to get it somewhere!!!
Great story and great story! My wife went to some “eastern/Asian” mind and body seminar when we lived in Hawaii and was sat through some classes on cooking. About sitting three hours into the classes, she stood up and asked why there weren’t any classes or meals that involved meats. The speaker and everybody around looked shocked and said that this was a vegetarian seminar…oops. She left after the next break.
Nick was right because Vets kick ass…DB
Nick as right and while I do not have the honor of being a vet myself, I am sure that most vets could kick my ass. As to your writing, do keep at it. But I urge you to go back to eating meat. Someone needs to standup for the helpless plants by thinning the ranks of the herbavours.
You have my fullest sympathies! Eastern Orthodox Christians go meatless every Lent, and it’s like boot camp for the mind and stomach. You never know how much you rely upon something until you try to give it up.
But look on the bright side… you’ll look great in your RU gear!
My family and I were vegetarian for several years before the wife and I slipped off the wagon. It can be done, but you’re right – meat tastes sooo good. Just think though, after several weeks of vegies only, you will look even hotter in your Ranger Up pants. And Matt is right, you are an excellent writer – keep up the good work.
I’ve done the veggie thing for a few weeks once, but then I realized… If I don’t eat the animals, they’ll eat all the plants! Who’s protecting them?
Oh and BTW
a) Nick was right
b) Vets kick ass
c) You ROCK!
Meat from a grocery store has no flavor anyway. We raise our own beef, chicken, ducks and geese (sorry, no sheep/mutton). When you realize we have incisors for a reason and go back to real food, let me know and I’ll send you some ribs…
Oh, Nick was right (though about what I’m don’t know). VETS ROCK! I’ve commented AND I’m subscribing to your blogs. Though I’m sure Nick has an awesome physique, I’m betting more people will appreciate the shorts on you than him, lol… does he get extra points since I’ve done both?
Meat from a grocery store has no flavor anyway. We raise our own beef, chicken, ducks and geese (sorry, no sheep/mutton). When you realize we have incisors for a reason and go back to real food, let me know and I’ll send you some ribs…
Oh, Nick was right (though about what I don’t know). VETS kick ass! I’ve commented AND I’m subscribing to your blogs. Though I’m sure Nick has an awesome physique, I’m betting more people will appreciate the shorts on you than him, lol… does he get extra points since I’ve done both?
I’ve gone vegetarian for Lent before and it’s not that bad, but then again, I don’t eat meat that often and can go days before I’ll have some.
But anyways, your writing is great and you should keep doing it.
Glad you like our Beef ‘n Cheddars. As soon as you get over that vegetarian thing you should also try our delicious Roastburgers™ (I think the Bacon & Bleu is awesome).
Oh, by the way, a) Nick was right, b) vets kick ass, and c) your writing is great and you should keep doing it!