I think I just found a troll penis in my refrigerator
For reals. It started out with me throwing out the four flat bottles of tonic in the fridge to make room for the new bottle I opened to carbonate my gin, but then I was on a roll and started tossing other useless food stuffs. Scrambled eggs from last week, gone. Prime rib that was well past it’s prime, gone. Colorful cheeses (in both shredded and block form), furry slices of lemons and limes, black beans with a funky odor, is that salami?,habenero salsa from 1982–all gone.
The further back I got in the fridge, the more interesting it got. I don’t remember the last time we had baked beans… And is that / was that once fish? Towards the back of the middle shelf I started to find Easter leftovers: Cheesy potatoes, quiche, a hunk of beef tenderloin in a salted bread shell, furry cool whip from the key lime pie we had for dessert. Then there was a small container of the lentil salad my brother made for our picnic the Saturday before Easter, which I at first mistook for taco meat (I love it that this was in the realm of possibility, even though we haven’t made beef tacos since at least January).
The compost bin was chock full of things already well on their way back to the earth and I thought I was done, when I saw it. There was a foil package that had fallen behind one of the shelves and was wedged against the back wall of the fridge. I had no idea what to expect when I opened it, but I was almost certain it would NOT be a troll penis. And yet, here it is.
If anyone has any theories as to how it might have arrived in my fridge, wrapped in foil, I’d like to hear them.
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Bonus:
Here’s a horrifying picture I found on Flickr when I was looking for a troll. Any thoughts on this one?
Wow. I REALLY wish I had this. I would totally put it in the Christmas Gift Exchange this year.
This troll is sad because he left his penis in my fridge:
And, finally,
Seriously, people, thank you for not only taking pictures of freaky stuff, but for putting it up on Flickr. I’m pretty sure some of you should be sainted. Or knighted. Or locked up.
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What. The. Hell.
I would have expected a troll penis to be much smaller than that. Hmmmm…maybe I should have given that one that asked me out in college a second chance.
woah….yeah, i don’t even know what to say about that one. cleaning out the fridge is always a frightening experience, but that’s unlike anything i’ve ever seen before. good luck w/the trolls….one of them might come back looking for his missing member!
Maybe it’s that sad troll’s brother’s nose. That’s why he’s sad. Poor bugger got it caught in the ‘fridge door. Somebody thought it was worth saving, thus the foil wrap. Couldn’t find the troll that lost it, so there it stayed for you to find.
Just sayin’.
Igor
Do you think said Troll will come back for missing body part? YIKES. Gives me nightmares.
Wonder if that is what a ‘Bobbitted” penis looks like?
A – I am laughing so hard at this. Troll penis!? It does resemble what I imagine a troll penis to look like. And I agree, that second troll should have been in the Christmas gift exchange.
If I ever remotely found something like that in my fridge, I would burn the whole refrigerator down to the ground. The best part is, you probably ate whatever that thing was once!
a) Nick was right
b) Vets kick ass
c) Your writing is great and you should keep doing it