Jesus really wants us to eat donuts.
Okay, remember when I wrote that post about the Joys and Concerns of the kids at Sunday School? Here’s a post script that was too late to make the May Overheard list.
Ella’s Joys and Concerns
Ella: “Mommy, is today a church school day?”
Me: “No, baby, church school is over for the summer, just like regular school.”
Ella makes a sad face. I assume she is concerned about missing all of that religion. But no.
Ella: “But if there’s no church school, when are we going to go get doughnuts???” Followed by a whimper.
Me, now suddenly concerned as well: “I’m not sure, honey. We’re jut going to have to trust Jesus will show us the way.”
Ella: “I think Jesus wants me to have a doughnut today.”
Me: “Oh, really? Did he tell you that?”
Ella: “Yes. Actually, I dreamed about it. It was a pink doughnut with sprinkles.”
And who am I to say Jesus didn’t come to her in a dream? I mean, what if he really had, and I was all, “No he didn’t. Now stop being a heretic and go to your room”? I’m pretty sure he would light me on fire or give me herpes or something for that. So we better go get a doughnut. Or six, just to be sure.
My kid is either going to be a big hit next year at Catholic school or in heretic detention all of the time. Click here for more divine messages from Jesus.
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p.s. I usually use Flikr to find the thumbnail pictures for the front page of JB. When I went to look for a picture of a doughnut with pink icing and sprinkles I got even stranger pictures than I did when I looked up “hole in a hand,” which is pretty awesome. Here are some of the highlights:
Because why wouldn’t you take a picture of a doughnut on a dashboard?
F- diamonds, I want a necklace made of doughnut beads. Even better would be if it was edible like a candy necklace, but then again bums and old people might start chewing on my neck. It’s a toss up.
Lucky bastards.
This guy came up under “pink donut,” which is quite possibly the most awesome thing of all time.
These pictures aren’t Creative Commons licensed so I can’t post them because I’m all about the law, but they’re pretty fantastic so you should click on the links.
This one is positively creepy.
Delicious or pornographic? Same question.
Better than diamond earrings, I found no less than twenty different pictures of doughnut earrings. Fab-u-lous.
Almost as good as the guy with the stuffed cat on his shoulder is this guy, who was also under “pink donut.”
Too many people to count have posted pictures of doughnuts they crocheted. At first I was all, WTF???, but then I thought, why wouldn’t you crochet a doughnut? In fact, I’m going to learn how to crochet just so I can make a doughnut hat. Or perhaps a sweet doughnut tube top.
p.s. II Oh my God, the doughnut bead woman also crafts clay Mexican food.
p.s. III Holy shit, I’ve done nothing with my afternoon but look at pictures of doughnuts online. It’s like a porn addiction, but with more sprinkles.
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As of 9 am Wednesday morning, my favorite key word search for this post has been “fat people eating doughnuts.” What??? Why would a person search for that? Hey, I’m not here to judge–I’m just curious.
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Oooo, strong quest. I’m in.
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I just realized I accidentally deleted my friend Steve’s comment wherein he proposed the brilliant idea of trying every flavor DD donut by Labor Day. Anyone else in?
Amy,
Thin people who feel their donut/doughnut cravings are getting out of control will do the smart thing and search for pix of fat people and their donut/doughnut habits, of course!! That way you will be able to turn your weakness into the “No fucking way do I want to look like that” for craving one pink circle, bathed in the anvil of deliciousness frying and frosting that you cannot only eat just one of…
I will not be deterred from my new mission (see first comment), ma’am.
One good thing about being here at Kandahar is the Tim Hortons. Always a huge line, but well worth it!
War is hell.
What’s a Tim Horton and how do I get one?
By the way, when are you coming home?
My favorite part of the ‘delicious or pornographic’ photo is that in the description you learn that the girl made that cake with the phallic Cadbury egg in the center of a donut for her boyfriend’s mothers birthday. I’m not sure if that makes it even creepier or not…..you decide.
Upon serious reflection (I have nothing better to do than reflect upon this as I’m laid up on the couch with a back injury) I have decided that does, indeed, make it creepier. Mostly because she’s so enthused about her creation. And I hate to say it because she’s used all of my favorite things to make this creation, but the whole thing looks a little gross.
The Cadbury cake is a strange confectionery concoction. The picture definitely has an explicit pornographic quality to it, although sex is in the eye of the beholder. I’m concerned that you do not find ‘pink donuts man’ creepy. This guy looks like he enjoys luring innocent children into his white van in between wardrobe changes of purple to pink.
Hey, dude, don’t talk about my dad that way.
I swear I went to high school with the “pink doughhuts” guy. And his cat. I think they were in the AV club. The cat cleaned the overhead projectors. That’s what happens when you grow up in scarily “anything goes” Canada…….
Holy S%$@ Amy. I am supposed to be getting work done and instead I am drinking beer and looking at pictures of pink doughnuts.
Dear Amy,
I’m remiss to say that I actually stop by JB for therapy once in a while, my visceral response after reading a few posts is, “I must be sane.” Have you ever been accused of inciting PTSD, your headliner regarding the kilted wonder et. al. going commando left me hitting the abort mission on my keyboard, the visualization permenanty scarred my retinas.
So here I am on your post that reveals the isagogical revelation regarding the holiness of donuts. Thanks for your cogent exegesis, you rock! Seriously, I was looking for a place to complement you on the submission ear face lock you put on Nick. As a man married to a hot tempered Latin woman that wields a machete in the garden and shares a business office with me, emphatically no I wasn’t looking at your most recent pictorial debut on RangerUp. For some reason my computer is still smoking.
With Utmost Respect ~ Semper Fi, Hank