Firsts -or- Things that will likely results in my being stabbed in the face
Ella lost her first tooth yesterday. It happened while she was eating corn on the cob an apple three feet of taffy gravel rice.
Ella and her Tooth Fairy quarters
Ella did a cute thing with her Tooth Fairy quarters. She split them into two piles, gave one pile to her sister and told me she wants to spend the other ones on seltzer water.
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Now that Ella is becoming a woman, I’m probably running out of firsts that I can post on the internet without getting stabbed in the face or prematurely put in a nursing home. Here is a list of postings about future firsts and what will probably happen to me in my sleep because I wrote about them online (and likely included photos):
Ella just kissed a boy! = nursing home at age 50
Ella just kissed a girl! = nursing home at age 40
Oooo, looks like somebody’s too old to be taking a bath with her sister! = face stab
Oooo, looks like somebody’s too old to be taking a bath with her mother! = double face stab
You really can lose a tampon up there! = kidney stab
OMG, they actually do sell bras that small! = double kidney stab
Woo hoo! I’m no longer the only one who has hit one of our cars with the other one! = completely severed thumb
Baby’s first rejection letter: You wouldn’t want to go to school there anyway–they have John Harvard for a mascot for Christ’s sake and who the hell wants to wear a sweatshirt featuring that? = all of my gin poured down the sink
You’ll never believe what she did on the delivery table! = triple face stab
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Dude, you didn’t even address the sex talk. The condom demonstration went over WINNERS at my house.
HAHAHAHA!!! As always, you rock the hizzy, fo’ shizzy.
I think my favorite was the kidney stab…I just didn’t see that coming from a vegetarian..
How much does the tooth fairy bring to them these days?
Congrats to Ella on losing her first tooth! Big Day, Big Day!
Welcome to the tooth fairy world! Just in time for Halloween! Congrats Ella!
Just be sure you get video of all of it. That would make the stabbings worthwhile.
I wish the “You really can lose a tampon up there” was funny… but I’ve had at least one or two friends who ended up in the ICU from toxic shock. Yeech.
By the time Ella is old enough to go to college, a rejection letter from Harvard could likely cost as much as $300. If she’s going to apply to Harvard, give her the benefit of the doubt that she’ll get in!
@Ella – congrats on the lost tooth. Don’t spend all of the money you get from the tooth fairy in one place.
Thanks for the link to CFC. We really appreciate it.
I love your writing. Keep it up!