Birds Really Really Like It When You Take Their Picture. Except when they don’t.
For the last couple of weeks I’ve been hearing baby birds somewhere close to our house. But much like Aunt Bethany who was the only one who could hear the squirrel making the funny squeaky sound on Christmas Vacation, no one really believed me because 1) I make things up a lot and 2) I couldn’t produce any evidence. So of course I made it my mission to hunt these birds down and return with photographic proof of their existence. I had a feeling the nest was somewhere in the decorative shrub like thingy next to our front door, but I couldn’t see it anywhere so I got out the ladder and perched it perilously on the front steps. Sure enough, when I reached that top step that you’re not supposed to step on and parted the branches, there they were:
Awww, how cute, right? Wrong. Because one of them, it turns out, was a bad-ass mother f-er who was ready to leave the nest and dive bombed me as soon as I moved aside the branches. It is one of the great disappointments of my adult life that I didn’t capture the bird coming at me on film, but here’s what I imagine it would have looked like, had I not been so deft at dodging it and saving my life while not falling off the ladder at the same time.(making me pretty much an action hero):
Seeing as how I risked my life taking them and all, I’m going to make you look the rest of my bird pictures. Be sure to scroll through all of them, as there is a picture of a naked woman at the end.*
Bird pictures tricked out by Shoot Me Pretty. Except for the bird thought bubble. That was all me.
*There is no picture of a naked woman at the end. I’m a liar who just wanted you to ooo and ahhh over my birds.
p.s. Subscribe to my blog and I’ll send you a picture of a naked woman*
*This is also a lie. Subscribe anyway.
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We are over run with baby birds at our house right now. There are three different nests in the shrubs right outside our front door. I’m afraid it might be catching, so I doubled up the birth control this weekend.
A couple years ago my wife found a nest of rabbits in our backyard. She thought how cute it would be to get a picture of our dog, the fearless(kinda) and ferocious(in her own mind) miniature Dachshund, with the bunnies. In my mind I saw blood and entrails scattered around my yard. Wasn’t sure if it would be the bunny’s or the dog’s but was certain about the blood and entrails part. I submit to you here the final product of that little adventure…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dcCBjaHteXI
I really thought the shit was going to hit the fan when the dog LICKED ITS LIPS… and yet I kept watching. My dad accidently ran over a bunny nest when we were kids. None of the bunnies got chopped up, but while running for cover a bunch of them ran into the street and fell down the storm drain. I assume they gained super powers down there and are now aqua bunnies, living happy and healthy lives of crime fighting and under water carrot eating.
I made the mistake of running over a nest of bunnies with the mower once too…din’t hurt a bunnie, but somehow without the cover of nice tall grass, mom decided that raising a small herd of tiny little mice sized things with no eyes (ok, I think they had eyes, but they were always closed) was no longer a good idea, and she joined a bunny circus or something and never came back to the nest.
Infortunately I had a 4 year old at the time and was not smart enough to think of flushing them and calling them aquabunnies…so I ended up nursing them with baby formula and an eyedropper, and making a nest on my heating pad….and then playing momma bunny as they got bigger and learned to eat grass (and run back to the 6ft bearded momma when evil birds flew near.) Had them for I think like 12 weeks as they got more fearless and completely weaned.
Then we made a big deal of singing the “born free” song and letting them go in the field behind our house. I’m pretty certain 4 of the 5 were quickly food for someone, but one with a white stripe down his face did stick around for a few years…and created quite a few more bunny herds.
As for the birds, I have an acre, so I have dozens of bird’s nest. My wife however is a bird racist, and only lets certain birds (bluebirds, tree swallows –who never seem to swallow trees) live here. The non cute birds I am sent to evict.
Oh, those are so much cuter than the bats that like to live in my front porch. Little buggers creep me out wicked bad, plus now I’m afraid to open the front door…even if it’s to get any one of the bamillion packages that wing their way to my house from Etsy.
Bats truly are the best at inducing a frenzied panic, but birds in the house are up there. Did you read this one: http://www.justbarely.net/2007/07/when-the-outside-comes-in/