Just a few of the many reasons why we shouldn’t be allowed to interact with nature
As if the bird photography, squirrel in a rubbermaid, mysterious circumstances of Franklin’s disappearance (as well as the subsequent kidnapping and release of Frankie) and bat catching outfits aren’t enough, here are ten more reasons why my family shouldn’t be allowed to interact with nature.
Reason #1:” Snakey” the First
Status: In a state of rigor mortis as a direct result of being carried around and occasionally dropped by upwards of 50,000 neighborhood children.
Snakey the First was found under a rock on a Saturday and was supposed to go to school with Ella that Monday. The teacher was notified via email that it would be visiting and then re-emailed that we had killed it. (Excerpt from teacher’s reply: “I’m sorry the little critter expired! We love science. [...] We have a little pet cemetery outside our KA window.” What the bleep kinda school is my kid going to???)
Reason #2: “Snakey” the Second
Status: Escaped from his bucket while we were drinking beer in the yard instead of keeping an eye on him like El asked us to.
Reason #3 (my favorite): “Snakey” the Third
Status: On the loose in the house.
I came downstairs one morning to find this note on the counter:
Reason #4: This caterpillar
Status: Also on the loose in the house. Last seen in the plastic baby crib in the doll house. Has likely since been consumed by cat or Snakey the Third.
Reason #5-9: Other caterpillars
Status: The same.
Reson #10: Mothera-sized bumble bee I caught yesterday to amuse the kids despite being allergic to bees.*
Status: After being shaken and made to buzz by assorted neighborhood children, was let loose and is now on the prowl in the backyard, buzzing around and biding its time until I’m home alone so it can sting me in the ass and send me into a state of anaphylactic shock. If you don’t hear from me in a week, that’s probably what happened. Wear black and mourn me for at least a year before making out with another blog.
*Awesome extra: While checking the spelling of anaphylactic shock, I came across this tip on Penn State’s College of Medicine’s site:
“People who are allergic to bee stings should, of course, avoid situations in which they are likely to get stung.”
Oops.
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Thumbnail photo taken by Elle Is Oneirataxic on Flickr.
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You’re a better woman than I. Snakey the first would have sent me to the medicine cabinet and then to the pet store to buy a mongoose.
AZ Bees and turtles and Cats and snakes —-Oh my. You young whippersnappers rattle my brain. What ever happened to a shiny new butterfly net and a sunny day in the backyard? Too much weird collecting for this tired old brain. Good luck with what ever—-Still Love Ya Lots. G Precious-
Ummm so did I miss it or is “Snakey” the third still loose in the house somewhere??
You missed nothing. One day I’m going to come downstairs and see a snake with a child sized bulge in its snake belly. I’ll cry for a minute then cheer up, because that would solve the problem of trying to pay for tuition AND my gin habit.
Hahaha omg you crack me up…we need to get together soon…you drink your gin, i’ll drink some beers!